The Referee of the Zero Sum Game

It’s half time. The home team is down by three and the usual suspects have gathered. Perhaps I should say the unusual suspects, since I must include myself in the mix. My father and my boy’s mama have been here before. From what I understand, they go to all of his games, barring life and death situations beyond their control. They sit together, and they don’t talk about any of the drama surrounding the reasons I am not there. Duh. That would be against the rules.

My dad was a high school and college basketball referee for 39 years, until the very year our family basketball hero was born. Exposed to the chemicals of war in Vietnam, the neuropathy that made every step like walking on pins and needles made him call it quits one year short of 40. He is still going though. Still working the court, now that I think about it. Like other things that become part of who a person is, it may be that once you’re a referee, you’re always a referee.

I sat with my son and talked numbers after the game. It was a good one. They were 11 points behind in the first quarter, and that many points and more ahead by the end of the game. They were down to start, but then the energy shifted and the whole thing turned around.

That’s life. You might think things are turning out one way, but you don’t really know what is going to happen. It all depends on what’s happening on the inside for the players. I’ve seen it happen more than once.

I saw my son play with his traveling team at a tournament in Las Vegas. I saw him play and receive the award for being the player with the most heart and hustle at the summer camp I signed him up for in San Diego. This was my first time seeing him play in his home town. 

He scored once, but what changed the game were all of the assists. He kept getting to the ball, and getting it to his team mates. It wasn’t that he was number 1. I think it was that he was the zero. He made everyone else into a double digit.

Notice how teams are determined before the game begins. Acknowledge that individuals are only allowed to play for teams that will have them. Teams choose players based on identity markers, like sex and race and where people live.

Recognize that while identity markers may be our team uniforms, players with heart are what make for a good game. The rules of the game are that we have to pass to others wearing the same uniform, but the score will reflect which team has the greatest synergy. It’s not about the uniform. It’s about the people wearing them.

Respond with gratitude for the people in your family who support the family hero no matter what uniform they wear, and do not take sides based on who is woke or who is making America great again. Like my dad says to me, and I imagine he says to the mother of his grandson as well, “It’s your story.” Like a good game, a Learning Story is not about the individual players. It’s about where you place the zero.

* GODSPEED stands for “Gather Only Data in Sync with the Purpose of Every Excellent Deed.”