"We the People" have a queer responsibility

"We the People" have a queer responsibility to uphold the rights of a person to identify themselves and the people they come from in their own way. I took one of my children to Independence Hall in Philadelphia to see where the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States of America was debated and signed. I have a photo of them in the very room where the document was ordained and established with the rights we still have today if we exercise them. I would show you the photo here, except the story does not belong entirely to me. My child has a right to their privacy, and a right to decide whether and when the photo might be used as part of a story we write together sometime in the future. A true Learning Story involves multiple voices and perspectives on what is being noticed and recognized, and what a person or family might be ready to learn about next.  

Complete and honest reporting requires me to mention that if I remember correctly my child was not as impressed with standing in the room where our country was founded as I was. I think from their perspective the photo was of them waiting patiently for me to finish taking photos so we could move on to something they thought was more interesting. Maybe the National Constitution Center. One of the best memories I have of our time in Philadelphia that summer was when we were hanging around the exhibit explaining the progress of gay rights and gay marriage outside the lobby of the National Constitution Center. I talked with my child about how me and their mom felt queer before we got married, and how when we got married some people were confused because they thought we were queer and we said, “That’s just how queer we are.” 

I remember talking with my child about how I didn’t identify as heterosexual or homosexual, and how every person has a right to explore their identity, and love who they want, and define how they want to be thought of. I remember feeling really connected to my child, and like they felt really connected to me. When I acknowledged how hard it can be to be yourself when it seems like the whole world isn’t ready for you to come out and be the way you feel inside, they gave me a big hug and said, “I love you Dad.” 

We do have a right to express ourselves the way we want, which includes the right to tell somebody off when we feel like it. If you feel like doing that, I trust that you have your reasons. You even have the right to tell your founding father or the mother or father of your children where you want them to go and exactly how you think they should get there if you want to. You can use the most colorful language imaginable. It’s a free country. But the founding fathers risked everything by writing the documents, and signing their names to establish the rights that you and I have to criticize them and the government they established if we want to. 

Just as the founders debated everything before signing their lives away, it is important for each of us to consider Gandhi’s observation that while it is not possible for everyone to be right, it is quite possible that everyone is wrong. We debate everything based on what we think will protect our family but the truth is our thoughts and emotions influence each other and wisdom is required to understand the responsibilities required to secure the rights of our family in the future. 

A Course in Miracles begins with the profound yet obvious statement: "Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God." This does not mean that nothing matters. Quite the opposite. Everything matters more than ever. When we put ourselves in the place of others, we begin to realize the risk is not about what the facts are. The risk is that we will upset the sensibilities of anyone who does not see what we might call the profound obvious. If we are free to stand in the very room where people risked their lives to debate the principles that would become the basis for a form of government founded on the rule of law as opposed to the hereditary powers of royalty, we have to forgive each other if we do not always have the most eloquent language to defend and protect what matters more than anything. In a court of law and perhaps sometimes in a family, if you say nothing at all there may likely be a default judgement that does not include your perspective. The truth may be, but if you say nothing, the story gets written without you. Others will make up everything, and they will speak for you with varying degrees of honesty. Valid data in the social sciences depends on the capacity of the researcher to hold divergent perspectives in mind. This is required to approach the multidimensional nature of a true story. 

It is better to say a word or two than nothing at all. You have the rest of your life to make amends if you rub someone the wrong way, but you will never have another opportunity to stand up for your family like you have in the present moment. If I were to suggest two words you could use to begin to take a stand for something greater than the story being presented for your family by one of its other members? “I disagree.” It hurts to go against your own family but remember you do not have anything to prove. What is real will reveal itself in time. We have to exercise our rights responsibly "...in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity…” like it says in the Constitution. As we accept responsibility for the future, we learn what not to say and how to wait patiently in the present moment. This is real. It cannot be threatened.

* GODSPEED stands for “Gather Only Data in Sync with the Purpose of Every Excellent Deed.”